Bribery Will Get You Everywhere
Raw Report for 5/26/08
JR and the King are live from Denver, CO
Opening Segment
We open things up with the mad genius better known as Vince McMahon in what we can now call former GM William Regal's office. He lets us know that he's going to announce something tonight that's earth-shattering and that we will all witness something we've never seen before. He wants to thank his loyal fans and show them some appreciation. Okay Vince...I'm in, but this better be good.
We then cut to the ring for a special verbal confrontation featuring our most high overload and king of kings HHH and one Randall Orton. Boy...One word best describes this segment...endless. The conversation goes something like this:
Randall: Me, better wrestler than you...me be last man standing at Pay Per View...me win me's belt back. You, bad. Fire, bad...etc.
HHH: You're going to lose Randall because I'm the 107 time world champion...I'm also in tight with the boss because I'm having sex with his daughter in real life, and she's expecting our second baby soon. So there's no way you're going to win the belt back. The Age of Orton is a distant memory. I rock.
Really, that's all that was said, and it took fifteen minutes to say it. Talk about killing the crowd right out of the gate.
Segment Rating: 1/2 *
Gillian Hall v. Melina With The Glamazon at Ringside
Pre-match we get a typically hideous performance by Gillian. I'll give her this...she's really good and singing really bad. Her version of "No Chance In Hell" may never leave the deep recesses of my mind. By the way, Melina is in full-blown babyface mode and because of that, she rewards us by making her entrance with her trademark jump split under the bottom ring rope. That's always impressed me...in so many ways. Anyway, the match is rather fast-paced with Gillian getting in a surprising amount of offense on Melina. On commentary, Glam asks Lawler if there's any diva in the history of the WWE who he thinks would make her submit in a match. Lawler seems genuinely surprised by the question and offers up nothing in response. My, how quickly we've forgotten the eighth wonder of the wonder, Chyna. Of course, I'm not talking about Chyna in her present drug-induced state. But back in her heyday, she and the Glam would be a match I might actually pay to see.
Anyway, back to the match and Melina settles things down and they trade a lot of hair-pulling offense until we get to the endgame. Melina rolls through and it appears they botch the ending. Eventually, Melina using a submission move that I should know the name of but I don't. Gillian taps. Melina poses and stares The Glam down. I'd say they've done a decent job setting up their "I quit" match at One Night Stand.
Segment Rating: 1 1/2 *
London and Kendrick v. Holly and Rhodes
Some classic tagteam wrestling here as London and Kendrick isolate Rhodes for a good portion of the match, making frequent tags and a variety of high-flying moves. Wow, the crowd is really into this match and I can't figure out why. After an extended beatdown, Rhodes finally makes the tag to Holly. Match ends when London gets thrown over the top rope, but wait...he skins the cat and pulls himself back over the ropes and right into the waiting arms of Holly who finishes things with the Alabama Slam. Good match, and the crowd actually expressed some interest in the match. Hardcore must be pinching himself.
Match Rating: **
Post-Match Festivities
But wait, there's more! The Million Dollar Man's music comes up and we are indeed joined by Ted Dibiase. He is here to explain why he met with Mr. McMahon last week. He also tells Holly and Rhodes that their title reign will soon end because Vince has signed a new wrestler, and we're all going to meet him right now. It's his son, Ted Dibiase, Jr. I must admit, he looks good. Junior comes out and says he's always dreamed of being a champion, so he's going to find himself a partner and start with the tag belts. He then closes things out by playing off his dad's old catch-phrase. "Everybody has a price, but as for me, well I'm priceless." Okay, I admit that's a little lame, but I love it when the WWE uses its rich history in modern-day story-lines. However, there are so many sons of wrestlers that I loved in the 80's now in the ring that I'm really starting to feel old. Good debut for the Million Dollar team.
Segment Rating: ** 1/2
Cryme Time Chillin' with Vinny Mac and Y2J
We're joined by Jericho and Vince backstage. Jericho wants a shot at HBK tonight in an effort to avenge his loss from a week ago. Vince says what the heck and grants the match. Then, Cryme Time shows up and after a really funny little rap that even Y2J and Vincenzo get in on, they tell us they're here for a cash opportunity. Vince says have at it and CT takes all the pictures of the Queen and London off the walls since Regal's reign is over. They're going to be auctioning them off a bit later in the show. It's funny how that office managed to stay intact, especially since Regal was fired about 1500 miles away from Denver on Raw the week before. Oh well...never let reality get in the way of a funny bit.
Mini-Segment Rating: **
Hot Rod Trains Cousin Sal
We pick up the action at an undisclosed wrestling facility where Hot Rod is putting Jimmy Kimmel's cousin Sal through his paces. In case you missed it, Santino challenged Sal to a match, and Piper accepted on his behalf, much to Sal's concern. So the Rowdy has taken it upon himself to get Sal into shape. He tells Sal that all the fun and games are over, and it's time for some serious in-ring work. Sal says he's ready, and Roddy proceeds to beat the hell out of him. Slaps, forearms, elbowdrops...you name it, Sal getting a taste of it. Meanwhile, Kimmel is at ringside egging Roddy on. "Give him the forearm! Do the Tickle-Me-Elmo!" In case you're wondering, the Tickle-Me-Elmo consists of Roddy take the point of his elbow and grinding it into Sal's chest and stomach. That's funny stuff. Kimmel then pulls out a vat of popcorn as he's watching Sal "live out his childhood dream". Sal, however, has seen more of Roddy than he'd care to and tries to escape the ring several times. Eventually, Sal says he's beat and wants to take a nap, so Roddy shows him his signature move, the sleeper. Jimmy and Roddy decide to go out to dinner and get some wings while Sal's enjoying his siesta. Nothing wrong with that segment. We'll see what Santino and Piper can get out of Sal at their match. Who knows, maybe Sal will surprise us and actually display some wrestling skills. I'm sorry, did I just write that? Segment Rating ** 1/2
JBL and Umaga v. Cena and J. Hardy
After another long set of entrances, we finally get things going, and frankly, Umaga and JBL dominate most of the match. Eventually Jeff hits a few high spots, and Cena goes through his "You can't see me" array of moves. But we eventually get to the endgame, and after a series of reversals and near-falls, JBL eludes the Swanton Bomb and hits the Clothesline From the Underworld on Hardy to put him down for the three count. Good tag-team match that had the crowd going bananas at the end. Boy, what are they putting in the Pepsi out there at the Pepsi Center. This crowd is jacked tonight.
Match Rating ***
Mr. Kennedy v. Carlito
Now that Kennedy has disposed of King Regal, he's moving on to smaller and less important things like Carlito. What's the point of this? Anyway, tidy little match that ends with Kennedy again hitting the mic check out of nowhere for the pin. But as the match ends, we find out what the point of this actually was as Paul Birchell and his sister come out and attack Kennedy. They're mad because he caused the firing of their friend and fellow Brit King Regal. That will teach Kennedy for opening his big yap. By the way, if I haven't mentioned this yet, I love Kennedy's new music. It just reeks of bad-assedness (I'm sure you'll find that in the dictionary). His schtick with the old-school mic coming down from the ceiling is also fantastic. They had to make him a baby-face...he's just too damn entertaining.
Segment Rating: ** 1/2
Chris Jericho or Y2J for short v. Shawn Michaels or HBK for short
Boy, this was another entertaining affair. Lots of back and forth action. Great wrestling, no resting. Unfortunately, we don't get a clean finish as both men are counted out as Y2J locks in the Walls of Jericho on HBK outside the ring. Then Jericho snaps. He's pissed he couldn't get the three count or submission on HBK. After the countout, Jericho loses it and slaps on the Walls again after dropping a few elbows into the small of his back. Jericho then grab a steel chair but just as he's about to strike, he has a change of heart. He puts the chair down, helps HBK up, and walks away with a pained and confused look on his face. Boy, this is such a damn good storyline. HBK has Batista in his sights at the PPV on Sunday, but what's up with Jericho? Will he interject himself into the match? Meanwhile, the crowd stays on HBK's side, even though he admitted he used deception and trickery to beat Batista at the last PPV by faking the knee injury. These are unchartered waters for the WWE, and I can't wait to see how it plays out.
Match Rating: *** 1/2
Closing Segment starring Vincent Kennedy McMahon
We're rejoined by Vince. He's also in full babyface mode tonight, by the way. He says he really appreciates all the WWE fans, and wants to do something to repay them for all their loyal years of watching his product and making the WWE the number one cable show in America. So he has two big announcements for us. First, the WWE draft lottery will be held in four weeks, and every superstar from Raw, Smackdown!, and ECW will be in the arena that night to find out which show they'll be wrestling on for the next year.
But Vince says that's nothing compared to what he's about to announce. He tells the fans that while he's still working out the final details, he plans on giving away a lot money over the upcoming weeks. As a matter of fact, he says he's going to give a sum of a million dollars of his own money to us, the WWE fans, because he's a billionaire and he can afford it!!!! He then stresses this isn't a trick or a gimmick or a evil plot. Simply put, he's giving away a million bucks, so stay tuned. The copyright pops up and the show ends.
Summary
Wow. Vince promised us something big and new, and once again he seems to be backing up his words. It will be interesting to see if Vince is going to give away a million bucks in one shot, or a total of a million over the upcoming weeks. I honestly think this is actually going to happen. As always, time will tell.
As for the rest of the show, I can't complain. Other than the opening segment which really dragged, the show moved nicely, and featured some darn good wrestling. The PPV has also been set up and teased properly. I must say, the WWE writers have really hit their stride over the past few weeks. Good show. I'll be back with a preview of One Night Stand over the weekend along with my predictions. See you then!
Show Rating ***
JR and the King are live from Denver, CO
Opening Segment
We open things up with the mad genius better known as Vince McMahon in what we can now call former GM William Regal's office. He lets us know that he's going to announce something tonight that's earth-shattering and that we will all witness something we've never seen before. He wants to thank his loyal fans and show them some appreciation. Okay Vince...I'm in, but this better be good.
We then cut to the ring for a special verbal confrontation featuring our most high overload and king of kings HHH and one Randall Orton. Boy...One word best describes this segment...endless. The conversation goes something like this:
Randall: Me, better wrestler than you...me be last man standing at Pay Per View...me win me's belt back. You, bad. Fire, bad...etc.
HHH: You're going to lose Randall because I'm the 107 time world champion...I'm also in tight with the boss because I'm having sex with his daughter in real life, and she's expecting our second baby soon. So there's no way you're going to win the belt back. The Age of Orton is a distant memory. I rock.
Really, that's all that was said, and it took fifteen minutes to say it. Talk about killing the crowd right out of the gate.
Segment Rating: 1/2 *
Gillian Hall v. Melina With The Glamazon at Ringside
Pre-match we get a typically hideous performance by Gillian. I'll give her this...she's really good and singing really bad. Her version of "No Chance In Hell" may never leave the deep recesses of my mind. By the way, Melina is in full-blown babyface mode and because of that, she rewards us by making her entrance with her trademark jump split under the bottom ring rope. That's always impressed me...in so many ways. Anyway, the match is rather fast-paced with Gillian getting in a surprising amount of offense on Melina. On commentary, Glam asks Lawler if there's any diva in the history of the WWE who he thinks would make her submit in a match. Lawler seems genuinely surprised by the question and offers up nothing in response. My, how quickly we've forgotten the eighth wonder of the wonder, Chyna. Of course, I'm not talking about Chyna in her present drug-induced state. But back in her heyday, she and the Glam would be a match I might actually pay to see.
Anyway, back to the match and Melina settles things down and they trade a lot of hair-pulling offense until we get to the endgame. Melina rolls through and it appears they botch the ending. Eventually, Melina using a submission move that I should know the name of but I don't. Gillian taps. Melina poses and stares The Glam down. I'd say they've done a decent job setting up their "I quit" match at One Night Stand.
Segment Rating: 1 1/2 *
London and Kendrick v. Holly and Rhodes
Some classic tagteam wrestling here as London and Kendrick isolate Rhodes for a good portion of the match, making frequent tags and a variety of high-flying moves. Wow, the crowd is really into this match and I can't figure out why. After an extended beatdown, Rhodes finally makes the tag to Holly. Match ends when London gets thrown over the top rope, but wait...he skins the cat and pulls himself back over the ropes and right into the waiting arms of Holly who finishes things with the Alabama Slam. Good match, and the crowd actually expressed some interest in the match. Hardcore must be pinching himself.
Match Rating: **
Post-Match Festivities
But wait, there's more! The Million Dollar Man's music comes up and we are indeed joined by Ted Dibiase. He is here to explain why he met with Mr. McMahon last week. He also tells Holly and Rhodes that their title reign will soon end because Vince has signed a new wrestler, and we're all going to meet him right now. It's his son, Ted Dibiase, Jr. I must admit, he looks good. Junior comes out and says he's always dreamed of being a champion, so he's going to find himself a partner and start with the tag belts. He then closes things out by playing off his dad's old catch-phrase. "Everybody has a price, but as for me, well I'm priceless." Okay, I admit that's a little lame, but I love it when the WWE uses its rich history in modern-day story-lines. However, there are so many sons of wrestlers that I loved in the 80's now in the ring that I'm really starting to feel old. Good debut for the Million Dollar team.
Segment Rating: ** 1/2
Cryme Time Chillin' with Vinny Mac and Y2J
We're joined by Jericho and Vince backstage. Jericho wants a shot at HBK tonight in an effort to avenge his loss from a week ago. Vince says what the heck and grants the match. Then, Cryme Time shows up and after a really funny little rap that even Y2J and Vincenzo get in on, they tell us they're here for a cash opportunity. Vince says have at it and CT takes all the pictures of the Queen and London off the walls since Regal's reign is over. They're going to be auctioning them off a bit later in the show. It's funny how that office managed to stay intact, especially since Regal was fired about 1500 miles away from Denver on Raw the week before. Oh well...never let reality get in the way of a funny bit.
Mini-Segment Rating: **
Hot Rod Trains Cousin Sal
We pick up the action at an undisclosed wrestling facility where Hot Rod is putting Jimmy Kimmel's cousin Sal through his paces. In case you missed it, Santino challenged Sal to a match, and Piper accepted on his behalf, much to Sal's concern. So the Rowdy has taken it upon himself to get Sal into shape. He tells Sal that all the fun and games are over, and it's time for some serious in-ring work. Sal says he's ready, and Roddy proceeds to beat the hell out of him. Slaps, forearms, elbowdrops...you name it, Sal getting a taste of it. Meanwhile, Kimmel is at ringside egging Roddy on. "Give him the forearm! Do the Tickle-Me-Elmo!" In case you're wondering, the Tickle-Me-Elmo consists of Roddy take the point of his elbow and grinding it into Sal's chest and stomach. That's funny stuff. Kimmel then pulls out a vat of popcorn as he's watching Sal "live out his childhood dream". Sal, however, has seen more of Roddy than he'd care to and tries to escape the ring several times. Eventually, Sal says he's beat and wants to take a nap, so Roddy shows him his signature move, the sleeper. Jimmy and Roddy decide to go out to dinner and get some wings while Sal's enjoying his siesta. Nothing wrong with that segment. We'll see what Santino and Piper can get out of Sal at their match. Who knows, maybe Sal will surprise us and actually display some wrestling skills. I'm sorry, did I just write that? Segment Rating ** 1/2
JBL and Umaga v. Cena and J. Hardy
After another long set of entrances, we finally get things going, and frankly, Umaga and JBL dominate most of the match. Eventually Jeff hits a few high spots, and Cena goes through his "You can't see me" array of moves. But we eventually get to the endgame, and after a series of reversals and near-falls, JBL eludes the Swanton Bomb and hits the Clothesline From the Underworld on Hardy to put him down for the three count. Good tag-team match that had the crowd going bananas at the end. Boy, what are they putting in the Pepsi out there at the Pepsi Center. This crowd is jacked tonight.
Match Rating ***
Mr. Kennedy v. Carlito
Now that Kennedy has disposed of King Regal, he's moving on to smaller and less important things like Carlito. What's the point of this? Anyway, tidy little match that ends with Kennedy again hitting the mic check out of nowhere for the pin. But as the match ends, we find out what the point of this actually was as Paul Birchell and his sister come out and attack Kennedy. They're mad because he caused the firing of their friend and fellow Brit King Regal. That will teach Kennedy for opening his big yap. By the way, if I haven't mentioned this yet, I love Kennedy's new music. It just reeks of bad-assedness (I'm sure you'll find that in the dictionary). His schtick with the old-school mic coming down from the ceiling is also fantastic. They had to make him a baby-face...he's just too damn entertaining.
Segment Rating: ** 1/2
Chris Jericho or Y2J for short v. Shawn Michaels or HBK for short
Boy, this was another entertaining affair. Lots of back and forth action. Great wrestling, no resting. Unfortunately, we don't get a clean finish as both men are counted out as Y2J locks in the Walls of Jericho on HBK outside the ring. Then Jericho snaps. He's pissed he couldn't get the three count or submission on HBK. After the countout, Jericho loses it and slaps on the Walls again after dropping a few elbows into the small of his back. Jericho then grab a steel chair but just as he's about to strike, he has a change of heart. He puts the chair down, helps HBK up, and walks away with a pained and confused look on his face. Boy, this is such a damn good storyline. HBK has Batista in his sights at the PPV on Sunday, but what's up with Jericho? Will he interject himself into the match? Meanwhile, the crowd stays on HBK's side, even though he admitted he used deception and trickery to beat Batista at the last PPV by faking the knee injury. These are unchartered waters for the WWE, and I can't wait to see how it plays out.
Match Rating: *** 1/2
Closing Segment starring Vincent Kennedy McMahon
We're rejoined by Vince. He's also in full babyface mode tonight, by the way. He says he really appreciates all the WWE fans, and wants to do something to repay them for all their loyal years of watching his product and making the WWE the number one cable show in America. So he has two big announcements for us. First, the WWE draft lottery will be held in four weeks, and every superstar from Raw, Smackdown!, and ECW will be in the arena that night to find out which show they'll be wrestling on for the next year.
But Vince says that's nothing compared to what he's about to announce. He tells the fans that while he's still working out the final details, he plans on giving away a lot money over the upcoming weeks. As a matter of fact, he says he's going to give a sum of a million dollars of his own money to us, the WWE fans, because he's a billionaire and he can afford it!!!! He then stresses this isn't a trick or a gimmick or a evil plot. Simply put, he's giving away a million bucks, so stay tuned. The copyright pops up and the show ends.
Summary
Wow. Vince promised us something big and new, and once again he seems to be backing up his words. It will be interesting to see if Vince is going to give away a million bucks in one shot, or a total of a million over the upcoming weeks. I honestly think this is actually going to happen. As always, time will tell.
As for the rest of the show, I can't complain. Other than the opening segment which really dragged, the show moved nicely, and featured some darn good wrestling. The PPV has also been set up and teased properly. I must say, the WWE writers have really hit their stride over the past few weeks. Good show. I'll be back with a preview of One Night Stand over the weekend along with my predictions. See you then!
Show Rating ***
posted by The Grappling Greek at
11:51 AM
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